I got chris browned last night
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
