I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
