Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
