normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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