Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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