haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
