when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
