I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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