Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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