I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
