He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
