there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
