Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
