it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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