I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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