Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
