im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
