We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Someone came in the potted fern
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
