Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am one with the molecules
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
