I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
