Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
