My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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