i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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