So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
