i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
