he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
