i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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