Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
