saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
