She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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