Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize