I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize