So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
