I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
