So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
