this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
