how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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