just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
