This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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