that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
