i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
