Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
