my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
