mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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