Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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