We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
