i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
