Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My hand turned me down
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think people are normalizing furries
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
