ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize