I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think my nap took me to another dimension
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need water and some morals
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
