I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
