fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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