Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
