Jerry, you need to find god
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize