and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
