Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
