We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
