do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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