your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You made out with two different species that night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
