Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
