meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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