Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
