we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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