is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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