wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
