I don't think brook has ever known best
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
