; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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