everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
