hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
third nipple confirmed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
