i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
