is your mom at the bar?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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