Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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