You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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