First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
