So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i dont even know how to be here
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
