The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
