the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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