I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
