I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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